I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
