After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
