dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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