My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
