my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
