Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
two words: eviction party
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
