do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
