No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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