Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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