Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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