i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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