And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
