a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
