My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
