This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
