I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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