You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize