I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
