I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
