Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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