Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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