We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
