My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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