i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
