Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
