Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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