Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
