Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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