Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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