My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
