This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
