He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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