Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
