ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
