ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
