I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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