i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
