well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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