What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
