Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
