I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
