two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
