No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
