We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
