At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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