Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
