I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize