I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
