During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize