i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
