He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
