no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
