she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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