why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Randomize
