When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
