She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
