We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
