I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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