We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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