The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
