Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
