The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
