I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
