Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
