He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i wish my penis had a tongue
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
