my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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