I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Mom said you looked used
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
