its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
