If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
