yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
a search helicopter?!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
