I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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