I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
foreskin is a definite game changer
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
