Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
