help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
